i put the sub in subliminal


This is not the reality I wanted.

i put the sub in subliminal

Victoria's Secret wants me inside them.

Recently, I was in need of a bra. So I did what any normal woman would do and bought a bra. It was expensive but it fits well, it's as comfortable as metal-lined tit restraints can be, and makes my rack look fantastic. It was totally worth the money. I don't know, however, that it was worth the series of emails I'm still getting from Victoria's Secret a week later, including this splendid piece of what-the-fuckery:

I just bought a bra. That was all. I didn't catch their eye cross a crowded smoke-filled bar. I didn't fight off three drunken frat boys armed with rohypnol and puka-shell necklaces just to get their number. I didn't spend the evening grinding on them like a power sander on a steel girder. I just bought a damn bra.

Look, Victoria's Secret, you're a nice company and all and I'm very glad I met you. I think we both got a lot out of it. I got a nice bra and you got fifty of my Earth dollars. But that's all. I thought we could keep this platonic, you know? Just business partners. Maybe even friends. But clearly you want more out of this relationship than I'm ready to give. We should make this break as clean as possible. Please stop emailing me. I know it's hard, but you'll find another customer someday, possibly one who will buy more undergarments than I ever could. I have faith in you. No, don't cry. It's not you, really! I'm just not ready for this type of commitment.

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Hoppy *snicker* New Year!

Somewhere, former President Jimmy Carter is sobbing into his peach SnappleCollapse )

i put the sub in subliminal

I am so unbelievably tired...

...that I just screamed at my bathtub.

See, I have a slow drain and they say not to use bleach or Drano too often because it can damage the pipes. Since I rent and one day hope to get my deposit back (HA!), I generally avoid intentionally damaging things in my apartment. When the tub is draining too slowly, I use my special plunger (it's for the bathtub only) and just like magic, my drain is clear for weeks!

Tonight, it's draining especially slowly and it's making a weird gurgling choking noise. I was trying to relax after the most God-awful day at work and it was getting on my last nerve. So what did I do?

Why, I stomped into the bathroom, glared at the tub, and yelled, "If you don't stop making that noise, I'm going to stick a plunger in you!"

This is why my neighbours hate me.

And now I'm going to bed for the next eight years.

i put the sub in subliminal

The Adventures of Nick Nolte and Mickey Rourke

Anyone who plays The Sims 3 (or The Trés as I now call it because I have yet to come up with something even stupider) knows about the Mysterious Mr. Gnome. He's a horrible little garden gnome like any other except he moves when you're not looking. You can't buy him without cheating, thank sweet merciful Jesus, but sometimes your sims will randomly find one and beg you to let them play with it. That's when the trouble starts. See, you can't see a Mysterious Mr. Gnome move but every night at midnight or so, he'll disappear and reappear somewhere else on the lot in different poses. If you have two of them, sometimes they interact with each other by watching your sim sleep at night or pointing at the front door with a look of abject terror on their faces. Basically they're lawn ornaments taken directly from my nightmares.

My favourite (though that is now up for debate) Sim Jin Hye has a special knack for finding them wherever she goes. When she sends gems to the jewellers to be cut, a gnome will come back instead. When she goes fishing, she catches gnomes. When she explores the graveyard crypt, she finds gnomes. THAT RIGHT THERE SHOULD BE A HINT HOW EVIL THESE THINGS ARE

I usually sell them (they're worth 1,000 simoleons a piece so at least they're good for something other than making me even more paranoid than I already was around statues--THANKS, DOCTOR WHO!) but for some idiotic reason, I decided to keep two of them around. Maybe after being forced to track them down and put them back in the right place every day, Jin Hye'll stop bringing the fuckers home.

Say hello to my little fr--well actually, no. They"re horrible, repulsive, little demons. Say hello to my horrible, repulsive, little demons...that I just so happened to have named after movie stars with criminal records.Collapse )

i put the sub in subliminal

Fun situations, amazing graphics, eyes of Satan...it's the Sims 3!

The mayor of my TS3 town is possessed.

She just stared at me like that for a good half a minute before i got seriously freaked out and used moveobjects to turn her away from the camera. She was only nanoseconds away from barfing up pea soup, I just know it. *shudder*

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Sometimes I really love this town.

Yesterday, as I was driving to my sister's house, I witnessed some of that "Southern Hospitality" people who don't know any better are always going on about. The road I was on was a narrow two-lane road with one lane going in one direction and the other going the other direction. I don't know why I felt the need to specify that or why I did so in such an incredibly stupid fashion, but there it is. 

Anyway, there was a car in front of me in my lane going one direction (let's just say north), and a car in the next lane going the other direction (let's say south). Me and north!car were going along, minding our own business, obeying the speed limit. Then south!car came along and things got awesome.

Both north!car and south!car simultaneously slowed down about 5mph (we were all going about 45mph before this), rolled down their windows, waved to each other, then rolled up their windows and kept driving.

It was the most weirdly touching, neighbourly thing I've ever seen. It gave me the warm-fuzzies for the rest of the evening, which I desperately needed.
So thank you, north!car and south!car, whoever you are! You guys are awesome! And please drive carefully! ^^

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I need to stop drawing on napkins at work.

But there's nothing else to doooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Really, I should be either studying my Korean notes but I can't get motivated. I can't focus enough to retain any information and I'm so tired my brain is broken. All I have to occupy me for the next four hours and thirty-four minutes is this absurdly spinny chair. And work. I guess.

But it's Sunday and it's the first sunny day South Carolina has seen in three weeks. And I'm here in a dingy, stuffy, dusty, perfume-filled dungeon until well after nightfall. My only consolation is it's about 96 degrees outside (that's about 35 degrees Celsius...like...jsyk).

My point is, I really don't want to be awake right now and I'm extremely bored.

But napkins are great drawing surfaces.

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Does this mean I'd be delicious with honey mustard?

Know what I just noticed? I am very pale. Very pale. It never really dawns on me just how pale I am until I look down at my hands under the florescent lighting of that festering pit of bile my office where I work and enjoy very much what I do and take a really good close look at my skin. And today, I noticed that when I make a fist (or a really weak, girly attempt at making a fist), my fingers strongly resemble an uncooked chicken leg.


Exhibit A:

(My fingers)

Exhibit B:

(A chicken leg)


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I honestly drive myself insane.

Just got Windows 7 and I fucking love it. Especially the sticky note feature. Last night, before I went to bed, I decided I was going to punk my future self and do...well...this:

I forgot all about it until I turned on my computer this morning to check my email before work. *sobs* I'm a fucking lunatic!

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Type type typety type.

I'm trying to learn how to touch-type in Hangul. I know all the jamo and how to jam them together on paper, I just don't know where the sneaky little things are on a keyboard. So here I am (at work, mind you) transcribing the first couple lessons from my Korean book to help me learn how to type it well. This is exactly like when I was learning to type the first time except I'm not eleven and my mom's not standing over me going "DON'T LOOK AT YOUR FINGERS, LOOK AT THE SCREEN! DON'T YOU DARE LOOK DOWN! DON'T. YOU. DARE." Anyway, ignore this. It's hopelessly dull.** 

Lesson One Dialogue:
민호: 은지씨, 안녕하세요?
은지: 어, 안녕하세요, 민호씨?
민호: 지금 어디 가세요?
은지: 희사에 가요. 민호씨는 어디 가세요?
민호: 학교에 가요. 은지씨, 요즘 어떻게 지내세요?
은지: 요즘 정말 비빠요. 일이 만아요. 민호씨는 어때요?
민호: 저도 바빠요. 저는 공부 힐게 많아요..
은지: 오늘 뭐 하세요?
민호: 저는 오늘 공부해요. 은지씨는요?
은자: 저는 일해요. 민호씨, 그런데, 내일 뮈 하세요?내일도 바빠요?
만호: 아, 내일도 안 바빠요.
은지: 그럼 내일 같이 영화관에 가요!
민호: 좋은 생각이에요!
Lesson Two Dialogue:
은지: 민호씨, 여기예요!
민호: 아, 은지씨, 안녕하세요!
은지: 어서오세요! 지금 어디에서 와요?
민호: 시청역 지하철에서요. 기하철에 사람들이 너무 많아요. 은지씨는요?
은지: 교보 문고에서요. 길에 사람들이 참 많아요. 그런데, 서울에 영화관이 참  많아요.
민호: 네, 그런데, "킹 콩" 은 어디에서 해요?
은지: 글쎄요...아, 저기에서 해요.
민호: 어디요?
은지: 저기 커피숖 보이세요? 그 오른쯕이에요.
민호: 아, 알겠어요. 고맙습니다.
은지: 그럼, 영화관에 가요.
민호: 네, 그래요!

Boring-ass Email From Boring-ass Minho:
안녕하세요? 오래간만입니다. 저는 회사에 잘 다니고 있어요. 그리고 밤에는 학교에도 가요. 매일 바쁘고 일도 많지만 이런 생활이 재미있어요.

**No, I mean it. Minho and Eunji have the most boring conversations I've ever seen in my life. On the audio, you should hear how the actors read it with such utter despair. I keep expecting it to cut off abruptly while one of them commits suicide.


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