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Short Story - Papaya

i put the sub in subliminal
I have written my first ever Creepypasta! I wrote this in about an hour and a half, give or take a few minutes, so the pacing probably really sucks. Hell, most of it probably sucks but there you have it. And I thought I wouldn't accomplish anything today.


What even possessed me to write this omg...Collapse )


what a toe-tapping tune
Title: A Ridiculous Bonding Exercise with Minho and Taemin
Cast: Shinee (mostly Minho and Taemin)
Pairing(s): Platonic 2Min, mostly one-sided JongKey
Rating: PG-13 for cursing, group tension, and bears. Oh my.
Genre: Straight-up silliness.
Summary: After a huge fight breaks out, Shinee is sent off for a relationship-building retreat in the woods where Minho and Taemin promptly get lost. A desperate struggle for survival ensues and Minho discovers a very special talent.

Author's Note: I dedicate the epilogue to marusamarento, without whom none of this would have been written. So blame her.

And there are no cows involved. Nope, not a single one!Collapse )

Fic - Caught Red-Handed

TOO CUTE FOR WORDS OMG
Title: Caught Red-Handed
Cast: Shinee (mostly Minho and Taemin)
Pairing(s): OnKey
Rating: PG-13 for mild cursing, dubious encounters between bandmates, and Himalayan livestock
Genre: One-shot, pure silliness.
Summary: Minho and Taemin strongly suspect something questionable is going on between Key and Onew who are constantly disappearing together. But can they prove it?


This is why locking your door is always a good ideaCollapse )

They see me coming a mile away.

everyone is irish on st. patrick's day

I was talking about car repairs with a coworker today and how shady dealerships are. I think, however, I found a way to out-douche a car salesman:

2:39 PM Shericka 
i took it to get fixed every 2 or 3 months and each time it was $300. every single time.

2:39 PM Laura
did you take it to AAA?

2:39 PM Shericka
no girl i was stupid i took it to the dealership

2:40 PM Laura
ugh i hate going to them. they always want to keep your car forever. or try to get you to trade in for a new one. and they follow you around asking if you want anything.

2:40 PM Shericka
or just charge waaaaay more money than anyone else would

2:41 PM Laura
and you're all NO I DON'T WANT WATER, COKE, ANIMAL CRACKERS, A NEW CAR, A USED CAR, OR YOU TO BE WITHIN 5 YARDS OF ME

2:41 PM Shericka
yeah i used to try to hide in the corner so they wouldnt bother me. i was sittin there wondering how much i was gonna shell out that time all while being asked about a stupid coca cola

2:42 PM Laura
next time tell them you have an allergy to HFCS and demand to know why they're trying to kill you.

2:42 PM Shericka
LOL

2:43 PM Laura
it'd be even better if, while you're saying that, you're calmly drinking a pepsi you brought in with you.


Victoria's Secret wants me inside them.

i see what you did there

Recently, I was in need of a bra. So I did what any normal woman would do and bought a bra. It was expensive but it fits well, it's as comfortable as metal-lined tit restraints can be, and makes my rack look fantastic. It was totally worth the money. I don't know, however, that it was worth the series of emails I'm still getting from Victoria's Secret a week later, including this splendid piece of what-the-fuckery:



I just bought a bra. That was all. I didn't catch their eye cross a crowded smoke-filled bar. I didn't fight off three drunken frat boys armed with rohypnol and puka-shell necklaces just to get their number. I didn't spend the evening grinding on them like a power sander on a steel girder. I just bought a damn bra.

Look, Victoria's Secret, you're a nice company and all and I'm very glad I met you. I think we both got a lot out of it. I got a nice bra and you got fifty of my Earth dollars. But that's all. I thought we could keep this platonic, you know? Just business partners. Maybe even friends. But clearly you want more out of this relationship than I'm ready to give. We should make this break as clean as possible. Please stop emailing me. I know it's hard, but you'll find another customer someday, possibly one who will buy more undergarments than I ever could. I have faith in you. No, don't cry. It's not you, really! I'm just not ready for this type of commitment.


I am so unbelievably tired...

BUT WHY?!

...that I just screamed at my bathtub.

See, I have a slow drain and they say not to use bleach or Drano too often because it can damage the pipes. Since I rent and one day hope to get my deposit back (HA!), I generally avoid intentionally damaging things in my apartment. When the tub is draining too slowly, I use my special plunger (it's for the bathtub only) and just like magic, my drain is clear for weeks!

Tonight, it's draining especially slowly and it's making a weird gurgling choking noise. I was trying to relax after the most God-awful day at work and it was getting on my last nerve. So what did I do?

Why, I stomped into the bathroom, glared at the tub, and yelled, "If you don't stop making that noise, I'm going to stick a plunger in you!"

This is why my neighbours hate me.

And now I'm going to bed for the next eight years.


Fic - The Favour

i put the sub in subliminal

Title: The Favour
Cast: Super Junior - Heechul and Hankyung
Pairing(s): Why, Hanchul, of course!
Rating: PG-13 for cursing (because I'm willing to stake my left pinky's fingernail that Heechul talks like a sailor when the cameras are off) and Discovery Channel antics.
Genre: One-shot, pure silliness.
Summary: Hankyung asks a favour of Heechul one Sunday afternoon. Something...unpleasant.
Also, I may or may not have ended this entire thing with a pun.Collapse )

 

i put the sub in subliminal

Anyone who plays The Sims 3 (or The Trés as I now call it because I have yet to come up with something even stupider) knows about the Mysterious Mr. Gnome. He's a horrible little garden gnome like any other except he moves when you're not looking. You can't buy him without cheating, thank sweet merciful Jesus, but sometimes your sims will randomly find one and beg you to let them play with it. That's when the trouble starts. See, you can't see a Mysterious Mr. Gnome move but every night at midnight or so, he'll disappear and reappear somewhere else on the lot in different poses. If you have two of them, sometimes they interact with each other by watching your sim sleep at night or pointing at the front door with a look of abject terror on their faces. Basically they're lawn ornaments taken directly from my nightmares.

My favourite (though that is now up for debate) Sim Jin Hye has a special knack for finding them wherever she goes. When she sends gems to the jewellers to be cut, a gnome will come back instead. When she goes fishing, she catches gnomes. When she explores the graveyard crypt, she finds gnomes. THAT RIGHT THERE SHOULD BE A HINT HOW EVIL THESE THINGS ARE

I usually sell them (they're worth 1,000 simoleons a piece so at least they're good for something other than making me even more paranoid than I already was around statues--THANKS, DOCTOR WHO!) but for some idiotic reason, I decided to keep two of them around. Maybe after being forced to track them down and put them back in the right place every day, Jin Hye'll stop bringing the fuckers home.

Say hello to my little fr--well actually, no. They're horrible, repulsive, little demons. Say hello to my horrible, repulsive, little demons...that I just so happened to have named after movie stars with criminal records.Collapse )

i put the sub in subliminal

The mayor of my TS3 town is possessed.



She just stared at me like that for a good half a minute before i got seriously freaked out and used moveobjects to turn her away from the camera. She was only nanoseconds away from barfing up pea soup, I just know it. *shudder*


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i put the sub in subliminal
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